Starting Over....

Or better said, starting for my self. Speaking my own mind, giving room to my own thoughts...... simply me and my life. 

In order to start my journey from the point where I stand now, first let me take you back a few years. To a time where my husband and I after years of dreaming, gathering information and planning, decided to move to sweden. The place where our heart lies, where we felt at home. I quit my job of 17 years with the police, Ron already was unemployed, ended the house rent, packed our things and together with our 3 kids we left the Netherlands for what it was and moved to Sweden, Dalarna, Stora Skedvi to be exact. With all the information we had gathered, we felt sure that this adventure was going to be great. Before we moved, we spoke with several municipalities (kommuner), with the unemployment agency (arbetsförmedlingen) and several other authorities. All assured us that with our education and work experience it would be a piece of cake to find a job. Even the language would not be a problem, there everybody who moves to Sweden can follow a free course in the language organised by the municipality. When my parents offered us housing to start from, the choice was easy. 

The house we got to start in

But ........reality turned out to be a whole lot different. 
Finding a job seemed impossible, the language course was not available for us because we did not have a "personnummer", a personal ID number, and without that, nothing goes. To get that number we had to get a job, but getting a job without that number is ...... well you guessed it, Impossible. It's like going round in circles.
We learned ourselves the language by starting to read childrens books and doing the homework our kids got in school and then went on to newspapers, listening a lot to the radio and watching tv. But still no job, and running out of our savings......
It took me 8 months to finally get a  50% part-time job as a cleaning lady. Not really a dream job, but  hey, you got to start somewhere and at least it generated some income. And what do you know, I turned out to be damn good at the job. Still, up to this day I do not understand how one can be so good at something one really detests. 
With the job the so much wanted personal ID number could be applied and the whole family got one. The road lay open to the language course we so desperately wanted so we immediately applied. It turned out we were way ahead of them and the only thing we did in that course was taking the exam at the highest level, both getting a B on our certificate.
Still, it didn't make things easier. 

Now we are 3 years later and have we come much further........ No not really. 
Even after hundreds of job applications my husband is still unemployed and has no income at all. Even with his 10 years of experience at IKEA it proved impossible to get a job at the new IKEA closest to our home. He did come up to the last round, the job interview, but there it came to a halt. Obviously it is unwanted to be a critical, self thinking, solution seeker.
I am still a part-time cleaning lady and can't seem to find anything else, in spite of my education and work experience. At times we were so sure that we were going in the right direction, but it always ended with a big punch in the face, putting us back where we were or even further, like going one step forward, then two steps back. Unfortunately, in the summer of 2013 I got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Not the best thing to have in my line of work. So I tried to get some help from the unemployment agency to maybe being able to switch jobs. The answer I got from the lady on the phone was, that they really couldn't help me because I already had a job and there were so many Swedish people that didn't have a job. Do you have the slightest idea of the feeling I got from that answer........not the happiest I can assure you. 

So I kept on working, my contract got extended to 75%, meanwhile trying desperately to find something else. And the hardest part, trying to make ends meet every month on my part time paycheck.
You might wonder if we never tried to get any help. Of course we did, people advised us to talk to the social services at our municipality..... and so we did. But the terms they presented to us to be able to get any help were undiscussable for us. We were told to sell our car, which in my case would mean losing my job. We were even told to sell our house, which didn't make any sense to us either. Let me explain.......... we paid less than 1000 kronors per month in mortgage, add 1500 for heating, electricity and water comes to a total of 2500 kronors. And we were supposed to trade that for an apartment with not enough room for all of us, most likely in the centre of the "city", which would cost us at least 6000 kronors?????? That helps us how???? We could not see the logic in that and so...... gracefully declined their "help". (now look back up to the yellow face ...... you get the picture)

March 2014 I just couldn't go on anymore. I felt utterly worthless, not being able to get any other job than cleaning lady, cleaning other peoples houses, when I don't even want to do it at home, having to go around doing my job with constant pain in my hands, seeing how my husbands self esteem was going down the drain with every rejection on yet another job application, making him feel like a lesser man, because he felt  he failed in providing for his family, seeing all the experience I gathered over the years going down the drain and having to turn every penny ten times before I spent it, constantly having the feeling that Damocles' sword is hanging over our heads waiting to fall down on us, forcing us to move back to where we came from......... which is actually our worst nightmare.

I ended up sitting at home on sick leave. Now that doesn't really improve the financial side of the matter, does it......?  Getting only 80% of a 75% part-time job paycheck does not make it easier. But hey, we were experienced...... after all  our contact person at the bank always says I can do magic with money. But one day you get to a point where it no longer adds up, when at the end of your money you have a substantial part of the month left to go. And now we have come to that point 

You might wonder......... has it only been bad? NO, definitely not. 
After all, we do live in a fabulous place.

you'll find our house between the trees with the red arrow

With the help of my parents we were able to buy a house. I have to admit at a ridiculously low price, but that was THE big advantage. We have 3 lakes arounds us, forest wherever we look. Our garden has everything we want, a nice place to sit in the front, forestlike garden on both the sides, where the kids can climb trees and surf the rocks, and in the back a nice patch to have our own vegetable garden. 
Every child has his or her own room, I somehow ended up sharing mine with my husband ........ ;)
Okay, it needs a little work, but it'll be perfect when we're done........

house in winterclothing

early spring

We have had an awful lot of fun through the years, both at my parents house and in our own. I guess one learns to appreciate the littlest of things.

Another thing is that I seem to have the ability to create beautiful things with wool, Angels mostly, as the first part of the title suggests, but  fairies and other seasonal things as well and I am developing as I go. 

spring elf

forest angel

It is this gift that has kept us afloat all this time. Since the Angels do well when it comes to selling, especially around christmas. It generated just enough money to keep our heads above water level. 

That, and all the lovely people around us. Over time we have gathered a bunch of people around us that we are lucky to call our friends. People that help and support when and where needed, without us even having to ask for it. I wouldn't know where we'd be if it wasn't for these people. 

Something else "happened". After I moved to Sweden I discovered, ironically enough through one of my former Dutch colleagues, a Swedish band called Sabaton. And with that came the return to my other big passion in life, music in general but with a special place for Hard Rock/Metal. That part of my life got pushed to the background when kids entered my life, but Sabaton ignited the spark again and I am back in full force. Listening to songs about demons and dragons. Not always easy when living with a person who's absolutely not interested in music at all. He sometimes tells me I'm like a teenager again when I get excited when a new album comes out, or when I am to set of to work at a cosy hardrockfestival called Rockstad Falun or Sabaton Open Air as it is called now.  But bit by bit I am discovering all the new bands that are around and rediscovering the ones I used to listen to before adult life kicked in. In fact, on the very odd occasion I do have a little money to spend for myself, I spend it on this.

 a few of my more recent discoveries

You can sometimes find me at the kitchen table working on the most lovely angels while singing out loud to the songs about demons. Odd combination you might think, but it works just fine for me.

I did something else I had never done before, I joined the church choir, it's free you know an d a good way to meet new people. I always loved to sing, but somehow never got past the renowned bathroom. Didn't know who to  believe, my kids who listened in awe as I sang, or my husband who usually asked me to stop singing. 
I still don't know if I am any good at it, but nobody ever asked me to leave. For me it's the best medicine in the world and by now I sing in two choirs and it makes me feel good. No matter what anybody says. 

So ..... this is where I stand now, dead broke and stuck in a rut........but...... still standing by the choices I've made and not giving up. 
Being the positive person that I have always been, I feel that things can only only get better from here. 
Time to start a new journey, time to start over. 
Will you tag along?????