Winds of change

No, I don't mean the renowned Scorpions song.
But changes are taking place all over my life at the moment.
One major change is that I am out of a job. Not that I am sad about  it. I am sensing a feeling a freedom, not having to go back to a job that I have hated from the day I started. A job I felt was utterly useless. To me that is, definitely not for the people I "serviced". They were all very satisfied with my work and even recommended me to others. No complaint has ever come from my clients. It's just that I would have expected more appreciation from my employer.
A job that was bad for my physical health and even for my mental health. Being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my hands and finger joints, having to go around cleaning all day, including wringing, scrubbing, scraping, lifting and squeezing is not an ideal situation. That's the physical part. Mentally I felt doing this day in day out was dragging me down. Not in a sense of feeling less than someone else, but feeling sort of worthless because I knew I had so much more in me, All these capacities and all the experience I had build up in my years in the Dutch police force were going to waste, with me not being able to use them in a job that made sense to me, a job I felt had meaning. Because that is very important to me.  I just couldn't see the meaning in the work I was doing. It made me feel horrible.

So I ended up sitting home on sick leave, both for the physical and the mental part ( which had a little more attached than just the job part though ). And during the year that I have been at home, my employer was so kind to call ONCE, that's right, just once to ask how I was doing. Not very motivating to go back, I can assure you. I even applied for an office job when I found out there was an opening at the office (through external channels, cause they didn't tell me) Of course, I didn't get the job. Neither did I get it the second time there was an opening, because when I found out about that, it was already to late. All in all this made me feel that I was no longer welcome and it made me decide that it was time to take matters into my own hands. Since I am feeling better mentally and I can do other work there is no need for me to be on sick leave any longer. Which the Försäkringskassan ( the authority that pays my sickness benefits) fully agrees with. In a meeting with all three parties present, plus my doctor, it was decided that my contract would be ended by the first of june with mutual consent.
And although I have been looking and applying for jobs for as long as I have been living in Sweden ( more on that in a separate post), I did not manage to find something else...... yet. This means of course that I will be subjected to rules and regulations of the unemployment agency (Arbetsförmedlingen) to be able to get my unemployment benefits. This will not be easy and I'm probably going to have to bite my tongue quite a number of times, but all is better than going back to something you hate and I refuse to give up.
A little bit of luck I already had. Through one of my choir friends I embarked in the world of personal assistants. Meaning that I work two 12 hour nights per month as a personal assistant. And I am glad to tell you that it is giving me an awful lot more satisfaction compared to my previous job. It isn't easy, but it has so much more meaning.

Another major change is the fact that hubby Ron did manage to get a job. A fulltime job that is. And even though it is only a seasonal job, it means so much to him. He finally feels he is contributing and taking care of his family. No longer having the feeling that he is utterly useless and living at my expense. After being unemployed since we got here, without any benefits he was starting to give up hope. He became a bit of a "sourpuss" as we call it. A bit of a younger aged Walter ( if you know Jeff Dunham you know what I am talking about).

 But now he gets to do what he loves, gardening,  and gets paid for it. He even got some nice colleagues he gets along with. It's a win win situation. He feels good, I feel good the whole family feels good.

Cause let's face it, if one feels unhappy it does affect all the others in the family as well. So my Walter is more or less turning into a happy Peanut again.

And then of course there is the seasonal change. It never ceases to amaze me, how the world transforms when winter turns to spring. When life returns in all that lives, including ourselves. As much as I love winter with its magnificent landscapes and its serene silence, it is always a joy to see life returning.

From this.........

To this...

When the first snowdrop lifts its head above the melting snow, when the first birds return from their winter hide outs, when sap streams in trees start to go upwards again, with that the returning of the many different shades of green to the landscape. The season of growth has arrived and with it our growing desire to finally be able to start with our vegetable- and fruit garden. Fruit trees have been bought and planted,  Cherry and prunes. Organic seed purchased and waiting to be sown. Ron is working hard to get the plant beds in order.

We share a part of our seeds with my parents and dad is sowing the vulnerable veggies, that are to planted outside later, at their place, where there is more room. I can't wait to start sowing and then watch things grow, knowing that after the harvest we will have a well stocked food cellar. But I am getting a head of things now.
Let's enjoy this lovely season of new beginnings first.

And for old times sake I'll leave you with the Scorpions anyway.